


The Jump

by Kajune



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Coming of Age, Fear, Freedom, Gen, Growing Up, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt No Comfort, One Shot, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 19:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11653086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kajune/pseuds/Kajune
Summary: Once he was old enough, Lucifer was expected to leave home and begin life in the outside world. He didn't want to, he never wanted to, but the choice was never his to make.





	The Jump

Lucifer.

A son of four and the second-oldest. Lucifer was born into a species of winged beings known as angels who lived high up on mountains. A coming-of-age tradition was that every child or fledgling who reached maturity was to leave home and fly down towards the forest below.

The fledgling, or then referred to as the angel, was to somehow survive the harsh world that was filled with fanged creatures and much larger beings. Once mature, the young angel should be able to fly away and avoid being eaten or killed by these monsters, and were to master how to fly while down there.

For centuries, this tradition had been carried out. If the young angel managed to survive, they were expected to send news to their parents or grandparents, via a carrier bird they had to tame themselves. All angels were to establish their own nests and form their own communities upon other mountains. Returning to their former homes was forbidden.

One day, Lucifer was to partake in this tradition, but Lucifer was afraid. He doubted his own ability to survive. He didn't want to leave either, he loved his home. It was beautiful and warm and spacious. He also didn't want to find a mate. He was happy the way things were.

Unfortunately, the day came when his older brother Michael was to make the jump. Lucifer, along with his father and two younger brothers watched as Michael stood at the edge, gazed down, and promised everyone he would notify them of his success.

He sounded so confident, and Lucifer was left momentarily baffled. Then Michael jumped, and the last Lucifer saw of him was Michael disappearing into the green below. No one, not even their neighbors, seemed concerned by this. Lucifer was terrified. He didn't know if Michael survived. He trusted his obedient, law-abiding and popular older brother had the ability to succeed, but fear still gripped him.

He felt almost sick at the thought of himself being next.

It took two years for Michael to send a carrier bird and inform the family of his stable, happy life on another mountain. Many cheered, while Lucifer felt relief wash over him. He had spent that entire time wondering if his brother had committed suicide when he jumped. The days didn't get better though, for his father wanted him to "grow up" and "explore" next month.

Lucifer barely slept each night. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to risk dying. He wanted to live, and most of all, stay here. He didn't want to take the jump.

He told his father a couple of days before the due date of his doubts, and his father appeared to only half-hear his complaints. He seemed to think Lucifer was being childish. It didn't help that Gabriel the youngest, promised to cheer nice and loud when his time came.

Lucifer was tempted to hide in the homes of others to avoid going down there, but Lucifer knew no one would let him off the hook. Even the house that had lost twins to the jump wouldn't help save Lucifer from this cruel fate.

When the day came, Lucifer was forced to stand by the edge and spread his wings. He shook so violently that he nearly fell twice. He turned round and begged his father not to force this upon him. When his father ignored his every plea, treating his fears as unfounded since Michael had survived, including Uriel, Metatron and a dozen more of their neighbors' kids, and thus Lucifer should be _fine_.

How could his father be so sure? Lucifer himself had never jumped, how could anyone be so certain he wouldn't end up like Rachel? When he asked this, his father only called Rachel's death 'a tragedy', not proof that Lucifer was likely to die too.

Had his father forgotten how smart Rachel was? She was on par with Michael in terms of intellect and skill, and still, she died. Her sister literally found Rachel's shredded body when she took the jump. How could his father be so sure a less-educated fledgling would survive?

No argument got through to his father, instead Raphael and Gabriel simply became disappointed as they watched him hesitate. Lucifer had no choice but to feign illness, and since he was really feeling ill from all the pressure, his father relented. He actually relented when Lucifer offered to let Raphael go instead.

This was a surprising announcement, but Raphael was fine with upholding the tradition and jumped off the edge moments later. No one said much after that, except words of encouragement for Lucifer to be ready next time. Lucifer threw up the day after, feeling he had murdered his sweet little brother by doing this, but he wasn't the one to force Raphael to go, society's rules had.

Lucifer did not understand the point of this tradition. You were just forcing a youngster to leave home and bring promise of a new family elsewhere. No one bothered to explain why this was a good way to exist. It made Lucifer resent his own people, as well as question their lack of flexibility in making decisions.

In the two years that followed, Lucifer's fears did not fade. He tried to enjoy life at home and show how happy he was. Instead, conversations with family always went back to the jump, always the jump. 

"What if I don't survive?"

His father always answered back calmly, "You will."

Lucifer didn't believe him, how could he? There was no proof that Lucifer would not fall to his death or be eaten alive by the beasts down below. There was no proof. He couldn't make it, such words weren't an exaggeration. It didn't matter if Michael had succeeded in living in the outside world, Michael was different from Lucifer, and from the rest of their siblings. Michael was Michael, and Lucifer...was Lucifer.

Why wouldn't his father understand this? Why was he constantly comparing Lucifer to Michael and Lucifer to a hundred other survivors? They didn't count. They weren't Lucifer.

Nevertheless, when news came back that Raphael too had survived, his father's patience began to wane. Gabriel was also demanding Lucifer go first because he was _older_. It didn't ease Lucifer's worries knowing that he was an older sibling, for what did years actually represent? They were just numbers.

Lucifer didn't automatically become braver just by reaching a certain age, and when he told his father this, the answer shook him.

"You are expected to."

Lucifer was condemned to follow another person's expectations from the minute he was born. He almost wished he hadn't been born if he was to live and think according to society's wishes. He didn't want to jump, he just didn't want to, scared or not, but his father looked ready to push him over anyway, even in his sleep.

Lucifer cried every night since the news of Raphael's success reached. He cried hard on days when Gabriel insisted he would not go until Lucifer did. Gabriel wasn't afraid, he wanted Lucifer to be fair. Fear didn't conquer Gabriel, in fact, he had been longing for a chance to jump since he was little.

That was okay, that was Gabriel's choice, but it didn't have to affect Lucifer.

Lucifer didn't want to go down there. He wanted to stay here.

Resisting the rule that he must leave home grew harder when neighbors began criticizing his father's poor parenting and accusing him of stripping away Lucifer's future. Lucifer didn't believe he was losing his future or wasting away his life. He loved being here, why was that such a crime?

It took three years after Raphael's departure for literally five angels, including his father and baby brother, to conspire against him. They grabbed hold of Lucifer while he was asleep and Lucifer awoke to find himself dangling over the edge. He screamed, struggled and pleaded to be given mercy.

Everyone smiled at him lovingly. His father then said, "We love you, son."

He didn't believe it. He was wailing, begging to have freedom in his life's choices. He wasn't loved, he wasn't being used here. He screamed until his throat was sore, but he wanted to cry some more. He wanted to be forgiven, he wanted to be loved and accepted, _not this_!

The group tossed him over the edge amidst cheers. Lucifer screamed but could make no sound. 

_Why did daddy leave me?_ Lucifer wondered as he was forcibly sent down into the world below. _Why did daddy leave me? Why, why, why?_

Lucifer felt scared, heart broken and betrayed, yet even when he could no longer see the faces of those people, he could sense their joy and pride. They were directing these looks at him as he descended further away from home, yet Lucifer felt these looks were for the people themselves. They weren't really proud of Lucifer, even if they thought so.

How could anyone love him, while ignoring his pleas for mercy?

Less than a year later, Gabriel made his own descent. He too received cheers and words of love and encouragement. No one spoke of Lucifer though, or seemed to care if he survived or not. It never became clear whether his survival even mattered, it never became clear.

He followed society's rules, and apparently, that was the only thing that mattered.

The only thing. 

 

 


End file.
